Bits and pieces of my new zealand journal about traveling 18458.381 km in two days.

2nd Jan. 2014,

This is the moment I have waited for all my life. The moment to prove myself and everyone else that I am strong enough to survive on my own. And I will survive.

I spend the last day of my old life in town and in my room – running last errands before I can finally leave. As I pass the place where one of those old houses used to stand I think of how in those basement rooms people have walked for years and years and that maybe just like wine or whisky human beings need years and years until they have finally grown fully. Or maybe you never stop.

My best friend helps me organise the music for my flight so that I can let the words soak into me. It feels good to have everything you need packed into a bagpack. I know I could survive just with my two bags.

At the airport we have one last starbucks and I try the Vanilla Cream Frap for the first time. This is the time for trying new things and crossing borders.

As I say goodbye I remind everyone of my eternal love for them. I let their touch get etched into my skin so that when I hug myself during times of solitude it will feel like they are hugging me. Dad reminds me to always stay in contact with them and myself.

The inside of the plane reflects the outside, the ceiling is covered in stars. I sit next to a couple with 6month old baby jacob. As I read my best friend’s letter she wrote me I start to cry. I am so lucky to have her.

“to live is to learn on the heart’s a heavy burden so I take, I don’t wait, nothing ever is for certain. And I hold my hands up high.” – Young Guns.

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Dubai, 3rd January 2014

1/4 of my flights done. I am already so exhausted. My internet is not working anymore, so I can’t talk to darling anymore. She sent me a picture of herself and Kevin. I am so tired.

DXB airport is so big. The sun just rose and the golden light calms me as is it something indefinite and well known. 

Welcome to the wanderlife.

I am listening to The Boxer Rebellion and it calms me. 

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Brisbane Airport

In 4 more hours I am going to be in NZ. So far away from the people who matter and totally on my own.

The flight does not feel like 16 hours but more like three days. I sit next to an Australian and we complain about the seats together.

I am so nervous when it comes to thinking about the immigration process. But I have 4 more hours to worry about it, or more like NOT worry about it and then think about it when the situation is actually there.

I will grow stronger as I move on.

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Airplane, 4th January

Distance doesn’t change feelings.

And what I also need to remember for myself is that while travelling self care is even more of a priority than it is at home. I need to remind myself to give myself the time to adjust to new situations, permission to feel any feeling that might occur and remind myself to not give up.

I was not born to be still.